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I Can't Control Myself Around My Cousin's Wife.

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  • I Can't Control Myself Around My Cousin's Wife.

    I am 53year old skinny short 5ft2 tall freckled face thin lips green eyes redhaired soft butch single lesbian woman. People call me ugly alot of the times, and also make jokes about my looks. Ever since I was 14 people always call me names. I think I'm ugly and you can tell me I'm beautiful but I won't believe it. And that's my problem. I'm so firm in my views and I don't know what to do. Since childhood I have suffered taunts about being ugly,short and masculine. I suffered the worst bullying in high school, It was torture.

    .

    I have a satin and silk fetish. It's something you get as a child, I don't know how. It's not a condition but it's also not a choice, so I have to live and die with it. I just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric because It's just so soft and smooth to touch when rubbing. For me nothing looks sexier on a woman than a shiny satin or silk outfit. I randomly walk up to women dressed in silk or satin and start rubbing their back . I've also been known to do it to strangers too. I have the greatest trouble thinking rationally when i am around women dressed in shiny silk or satin.

    Three months ago I moved back in my hometown. My first cousin is married again. His new wife is this 42year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. She has very large massive breasts and she does have a big butt. She has very olive skin. Most of her outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. She is always on high heels and full make up on. She is curvy, tall and busty, so many clothes tend to look sexier on her than on a thin person. She wears almost always her satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. She doesn't wear anything vulgar but because of her body type anything she wears looks tight on her. She is 5ft10 tall and and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes her HUGE! Standing next to me she looks like a giant. She has a 14 year old daughter from her first marriage. My cousin also has 25 year old son and 21 year old daughter from his first marriage.

    This woman my cousins new wife is very serious, arrogant, and stuck up. Most people seem to think she is a stuck up overdressed snob. When she speaks with people , she tends to be overly nice and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. Also this woman is kinda dumb. Sometimes she says some really stupid/ignorant things. Her geography is extremely bad. If somebody asked her if Australia was in southern or northern hemisphere she wouldn't know. She knows nothing about politics or the ongoing affairs of the world and thinks history is boring. To be honest the reasons I'm drawn to her are her looks and her clothes. Also she is upper middle class,stuck up snob. She is completely stuck up, spoiled and arrogant. She is not a hugger. She shakes hands. The first time i met her i extended my arms to hug her, and she automatically stepped back and away from me.

    A month ago I attended this's wine bar opening party. This woman my cousin's wife was there alone without my cousin. She was wearing a purple long sleeve satin blouse buttoned up to the top,black satin pencil skirt, sheer black pantyhose and 5 inch heels purple shoes. She had full make up on. As i was standing beside her i couldn't resist i placed my right hand on her back and started rubbing in circular motions.I kept rubbing her back with my right hand for like 10 minutes. Then i began furthering my reach and casually brushed across her big ass. Then i did it again and left my hand there. She was talking with other women as i was standing beside her with my right hand caressing her ass. Then she sat on a chair. I sat next to her on her right side. I invaded her personal space repeatedly. I hugged her around her waist with my left hand, rubbing her right arm and shoulder with my right hand. She got up, while i was still sitting and i rubbed her ass with my both hands. .

    I got up and this touchable woman my cousin's wife pulled me aside. and she said that she is not a touchy feely huggy person at all and that she can barely tolerate hugging by her mother. She explained to me that it is making her uncomfortable that she understand that we are family and i am friendly and tactile but she feels a little uncomfortable when i touch her. She said that she is straight and that she never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female and that just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes her cringe..

    I said to her that she is mis-reading the creep factor and that she is a stuck up snob. Also i said that i am an extroverted, touchy-feely, huggy person. As she was standing in front of me( my face is exactly the level of her breasts) i couldn't resist i reached out with my both hands i grabbed her massive soft boobs and jiggled and squished them. She was too shocked to say anything about it. I was feeling up, squeezing and jiggling her massive boobs for like 5 minutes . She was just standing in front of me stiff as a board with a stupid face while i was feeling up her massive boobs as people watched. She was waiting for me to finish. Other people there at the party noticed our behavior and they had a confused looks on their faces. .

    Nine days ago we had a family gathering my aunt's birthday party in a restaurant. My cousin was there with his new wife. She was wearing this red satin bow blouse, black satin pants and she was on 5inch heels black shoes. She had full make up on. In the ladies room she was just standing stiff as a board for like 10 minutes saying no word while i was squeezing and feeling up her massive soft breasts,rubbing her back and arms and rubbing and grabbing her ass.I complimented her outfit and commented that she is tall,big,soft , classy and glamorous. I would never touch her in front of my cousin her husband or any other family members.
    .

    Three days ago on my way home from work i stopped at the drugstore. This touchable woman my cousins wife was there. She was waiting in a line and i was behind her. She was wearing teal satin coat. I said to her ”uuuu i love your coat” and i started rubbing her back with my both hands as i was standing behind her in a line. On the parking lot i walked beside her i was rubbing her back with my right hand. She tried to walk faster but she was on 5inch high heels. Then i gave her a side hug and i started rubbing her back with my left hand and with my right hand rubbing her whole front side for like 5 minutes in the middle of the parking lot . She was just standing speechless stiff as a board as people watched waiting for me to finish. Then she walked to her car.

    With this touchable always dressed in silk and satin woman my cousins wife is about lust, not love. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional. I have extremely erotic fantasies about her. She is an absolute ideal ten for me physically. She is so tall and big and soft.I just want to have sex with her I know it’s wrong. She is my first cousins wife but every time i see her walking around with her big massive breasts and butt cheeks swaying all over the place i lose control. I gravitate toward this woman like fruit fly on a banana. I know that I shouldn't do it but it is difficult to resist the urge to touch her. The cravings for touching her are becoming more intense. I am too sexually attracted to her. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to her and her shiny clothes.She is extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy. Please don’t be grossed out. I feel so guilty but i just can't stop touching this woman. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some. I am very attracted to her but only in a sexual way. It's gotten so bad I've raced home after work to masturbate thinking about her. I want to stop this. But i just can't. She is so radiant and tall and big and soft.And this woman is physically stronger than me . She is 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.I am masculine but i am 5ft2 tall and skinny.She is always on high heels i am always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a giant.I am physically completely harmless. I feel like smashing my head against a wall sometimes I just can't stop thinking.

    I know this sounds weird and outrageous. I am a horrible person. I am a bad person. She is my cousins wife! Am I just an evil person? I want to stop touching her and rubbing her but feel like I can’t.I am drawn to her. I am short skinny and ugly.My whole life i can’t attract the women i find attractive. Also she is always dressed in satin an silk clothes which doesn't help the situation.But she never wears anything trashy. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She has a more stylish sense of fashion but she keeps herself well covered. She is not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. She prefers to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. What's happening to me?

    I came here on this forum with the hope that I would find someone to help me with advice. I wish I can find someone who can understand what I'm going through or maybe someone who's going through what I am so we can help eachother. This touchable woman my cousin's wife is 100% straight. She would never want to kiss a woman. She is very sexually attracted to men. She is literally 100% straight. I hate being turned on by rubbing and touching her through her satin and silk clothes and I can't seem to stop myself! It is pure physical attraction, not emotional.
    Last edited by Sinead; 02-12-2019, 07:25 AM.

  • #2
    I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time because she is my cousin's wife. I am sick of this. I’m confused and my mind doesn’t stop. I really worry that I’m going to lose myself completely! I don't want to waste your time but I had to get some of this out of my head. What is wrong with me? I am afraid that i will just go even further.

    Comment


    • Mor2thisIknoe
      Mor2thisIknoe commented
      Editing a comment
      It is okay to vent out in order for you to release what's really going in your head right now. I would suggest to try the advice of MoiraMcTagarrt

  • #3
    Maybe you can try and avoid crossing paths with her and focus on the negative traits that you think that she has

    Comment


    • Janbaby
      Janbaby commented
      Editing a comment
      I think that's the right thing to do.

    • VickyMae55
      VickyMae55 commented
      Editing a comment
      It can't be avoided that they will cross paths since she is her cousin's wife.

  • #4
    Originally posted by MoiraMcTagarrt View Post
    Maybe you can try and avoid crossing paths with her and focus on the negative traits that you think that she has
    Thanks for the reply. I avoid her, but they( she and my cousin ) live here in my area. Also we are family. I'm a fool who can't control myself. I'm just so upset with myself. My concern is that I am a bad person for touching,rubbing and groping this woman my cousin's wife. I know that I shouldn't do it but it is difficult to resist the urge to touch her. I am very attracted to her but only in a sexual way. She is sooo arrogant. She never misses a chance to point out the fact that I'm much shorter than her. She ALWAYS goes on about how great she is and lists all these things she loves about herself... or she "critisises" herself in an attention seeky way saying things that are CLEARLY good positive things as negative e.g. "OMG I have such big boobs! I can't believe my boobs are sooo big and I hate it big boobs are horrible" She is constantly gazing in the mirror and listing all these things she adores about her appearance. It's just so shallow and superficial! She often talks about herself on our family gatherings.
    Every conversation is about her. My cousin is a good man and I don't want to hurt him. .

    I know that I shouldn't do it but it is difficult to resist the urge to touch this woman my cousin's wife. I love her height and her curvy stature. Standing next to me she looks like a giant. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some. Also she is always dressed in satin an silk clothes which doesn't help the situation.

    Comment


    • newromance
      newromance commented
      Editing a comment
      Well, just try your best to avoid her because you might end up in trouble with what you're doing whenever you see each other. I know that it is hard, but just make sure to do your best in keeping yourself in check every time she's around

    • smoker
      smoker commented
      Editing a comment
      newromance is right. Just try your best avoiding her. Has she been acting all high and mighty ever you've met her? For all we know she might be doing that in order for you to like her less

  • #5
    Don't put yourself down with what you're feeling towards here. Just try your best in trying to suppress what you're feeling towards her

    Comment


    • Vichie
      Vichie commented
      Editing a comment
      Do you think that she can really do that? Suppress what she's feeling for her?

    • honesty101
      honesty101 commented
      Editing a comment
      Vichie I think so. Yes, she can do that.

  • #6
    Have you ever thought of what might it feel like to be someone like her? That might be one of the reasons you are doing those towards her

    Comment


    • Sinead
      Sinead commented
      Editing a comment
      Please explain that to me. Please be brutally honest. I'm so confused about everything. Why am I like this? Why? My other problem is that all the women i gotten far with were not my physical type. My whole life i can’t attract the women i find attractive. By the way, this has been an issue for me since I was 16. I'm really ugly. Being an ugly short skinny masculine soft butch lesbian just leads you to a viscous circle which if your lucky enough will break one day but otherwise you will be in a dark pit for a lot of your life . I'm about 5'2", and when I'm out and about and look around myself on a typical day, most people seem well and truly taller than me (including women). I feel a kind of resentment, over having been born this height, identifying as a lesbian and being attracted to women, none of which I regard as my choice. I also feel envious of tall butch lesbians. When I was a teenager, the other girls were into boys. But me... I was always left out, and terrified. I already felt like a monster at age 11 or 12 or so when I first started going through puberty. Because I knew I wasn't like the other girls, and attracted to what they are.

    • bemine
      bemine commented
      Editing a comment
      You only made it sound creepier. Made me remember the movie Single White Female

  • #7
    Originally posted by honesty101 View Post
    Don't put yourself down with what you're feeling towards here. Just try your best in trying to suppress what you're feeling towards her
    Thank you for your advice. I don't like to wear silk or satin clothes, i just can’t resist touching and stroking silk or satin fabric because It's just so soft and smooth to touch when rubbing. Please don't laugh at my silk and satin fetishes I did not choose them. This woman my cousin's wife my "victim" is physically stronger than me.I am masculine but i am 5ft2 tall and skinny. I am just a skinny, short, tiny, ginger woman.Standing next to this woman my cousin's wife i look like a midget. I am physically completely harmless. I am amazed at how this woman my cousin's wife lets herself be touched, rubbed and groped by me without making a scene or trying to stop me. And why is she allowing me to touch her and grope her? On these three occasions when my hands were on her she was just standing or sitting there not saying a word making stupid faces. I hate being turned on by rubbing and touching her through her satin and silk clothes.



    This touchable overdressed stupid stuck up woman is 100% straight. She would never want to kiss a woman. She is very sexually attracted to men. She is literally 100% straight. I’m worried that I’m taking advantage of this woman my cousin's wife. I didn’t think much of it at first. Also she is always dressed in satin an silk clothes which doesn't help the situation.But she never wears anything trashy. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She has a more stylish sense of fashion but she keeps herself well covered. She is not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. She prefers to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. She says that she is 100% straight and that even the thought of eating out a vagina makes her gag. She is so tall and big and soft.I just want to have sex with her I know it’s wrong. And why is she allowing me to touch her and grope her? What do you think? Do i have a chance with her?
    I feel so much guilt over this but i am pretty certain i would never come close to actually harming this woman my cousin's wife. Am I just making excuses to justify my urges? I don't really know for sure . I am NOT violent at all. Not at all. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. What's happening to me?

    I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. Im confused and my mind doesnt stop. I really worry that Im going to lose myself completely! My actions are illegal and wrong - AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!

    But the thrill I get from groping,touching and rubbing this woman my cousin's wife is so powerful. It makes me feel invincible -- it makes me feel like I might never have to feel ashamed or insecure again. Maybe I am a monster -- and maybe I like that. On these three occasions when my hands were on her i got groinal responses. I know you can't help feelings of arousal, but what bothers me is i worry about letting myself enjoy them. So i feel like since i get my feelings of arousal from the groinal responses then i'm abusing this woman my cousin's wife . Is this normal or am i horrible?? I think i'm a monster. Now I'm feeling like a total creep.

    Comment


    • Kinkytime
      Kinkytime commented
      Editing a comment
      Why do you have to always emphasize how much you hate her? We already know and you've told us countless of times. You have to get yourself checked with what you're feeling towards her

  • #8
    I do not mean to be offensive but I guess visiting a psychologist and asking advice is the best option for you to do.

    Comment


    • SimplyAlisha
      SimplyAlisha commented
      Editing a comment
      You have a point there so I don't see anything wrong with your suggestion

    • holleroutyo
      holleroutyo commented
      Editing a comment
      HoneySpyder You're definitely right about that. I hope she can read this comment.

  • #9
    Originally posted by honesty101 View Post
    Don't put yourself down with what you're feeling towards here. Just try your best in trying to suppress what you're feeling towards her
    I am very attracted to this woman my cousin's wife but only in a sexual way. To be honest the reasons I'm drawn to her are her looks and her clothes.With this touchable always dressed in silk and satin woman is about lust, not love. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional. I am too sexually attracted to her. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to her and her shiny satin and silk clothes. I love her height and her curvy stature. She is so radiant and tall and big and soft. I know that I shouldn't do it but it is difficult to resist the urge to touch her.

    Comment


    • #10
      I don't want to appear more feminine as i do like myself better this way but just cannot carry myself with pride. I am a 53year old woman. Is it too late for me to change? I want to make clear that i only like women! I prefer more masculine clothing. I'm a little too butch but i I consider my self chapstick, I NEVER wear makeup. I am so fucking short, 5’2, with a slim & weak body. I literally look like a fucking 12 year old ugly boy. Added to this, i feel even worse when i see myself in pics next to other average and good looking people. I have some self esteem issues, but why lie to my self? If I'm ugly, why say I'm good looking? I am a realist. Most women don't care about your personality if you're ugly,ginger,short and skinny dyke.

      My other problem is that all the women i gotten far with were not my physical type. My whole life i can’t attract the women i find attractive. I have never been with a man sexually and don't want to be at all. Nothing against men but they just don't do it for me. I don't want to appear more feminine.The reality is I love women. I love the way they dress, their attention to detail when they put on makeup or do their nails. I love dark red lipstick, blood red nails, silky smooth stockings,satin and silk clothes, short skirts and high heels. I don't find men physically attractive and never have, not even the 'hot' ones. I feel immensely attracted even standing next to tall,curvy, feminine women. It's been a pattern since I was a teenager.

      Comment


      • ablasta
        ablasta commented
        Editing a comment
        If you consider yourself a chapstick, then might as well dress whatever is comfortable for you and not let the stereotype dictate that clothes that you have to wear
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